The Two Precious

There are two ladies in my life that I could not leave without; they are not my parents nor my girlfriend, but my life – Hoiyan and Meilinda.

Hoiyan

Meilinda

I have the honour getting to know them in my secondary school, Bartley. When I was younger, I never thought of having 2 girls as my best friend because everyone knows me as someone who would go around breaking girls’ heart or vice versa. To me, it’s incredibly amazing that these two accepted me for who I am even though I was notorious back then with records of fighting, defiant and a lousy student.

The Class!

I got to know Hoiyan when we were in Sec 1. She was my Mandarin class classmate. She was very quiet back then, very serious in her work and always score in her subject. We never exchange conversation and when I open my mouth to speak to her, it would most probably be a request on asking if I could copy her work because my Mandarin back then was atrocious.

Fast forward to Secondary 3, she became my classmate (3N1). Still, I do not dare to approach her because I know good students like her would not want to hang out with bad students like me. I do not know what happen but things got better after some time. One of the reasons would be that she is seated behind me during Chinese lesson and I remembered vividly that I use to disturb this girl, Si Xuan. Because of that, I kept got scolded by buddy. However we communicated and laughed, deep down in my heart, I still am feeling inferior when it comes to being her friend.

Sec 4 came and we were in the same class again, this time round, she is seated beside me. Because of that, I would always tease her because I love teasing people, especially those who do not retaliate. She was very much open up and becomes very cheerful. And that was when we started talking more often and we would always take the same bus home together. Not only that, she became my ‘secretary’ filing my worksheets and notes because I am someone lazy, but at the same time, love being neat. Contradicting huh? She would always help me take down notes and do ‘correction’ for me because I will always be seen sleeping in class.

Our friendship blossom and we often go out together as a group even until now. The common area that we shared in my opinion would be that we are always the ONLY two Singaporeans present in the big group of Indonesia, Thailand and Nepal clique.

The Clique!

I felt that buddy is someone who is very weak, maybe because of her petite size. I always have the urge to want to protect her and frankly speaking, I dote on her a lot. Though she would always entertain me by laughing at my jokes which are often not funny, I appreciate it a lot. I know school is tiring, yet she needs to endure my nonsense all the way from Woodlands to Hougang but would still call me and ask if I want to go home with her together. Because of these calls and occasional texts I got from her, I felt loved by her and thank god to have her in my life.

As for Meilinda, I remember very clearly that I know her since the last day of my Sec 2 in the school canteen. Just as what I am like, I randomly teased her by asking if she have been hanging out with this guy named Derek.

Coincidentally, she became my Sec 3 classmate and a very hardworking girl like buddy, but results were just average. She was more outspoken with lots of friends that always surround her like Jamlin, Ericsson and Wei Hao. Though she is more outspoken than buddy, it was only until Sec 4 that I grew closer to her. I guess it’s because of her wanting to set up surprises for one of my classmates and we have to fork out money that I started interacting with her. She was/is always the one coming up with surprises and I reckon why a lot of people actually liked her. She is selfless and always thinks about others more than herself.

The Surprises!

I still remember during the N level period in Sec 4, I was very nervous about Principles of Accounts (POA) because I almost slept through my Sec 3 and Sec 4 POA lesson. I called Meilinda and ask if she could teach me because she was very good in her POA back then. Even until now, whenever I needed help, she is always the first person that comes to my mind. Because of her never-give-up attitude towards teaching me the subject, I manage to get a Band 2 in my POA N level and shock my POA teacher, Mrs Yeo. From then on, I started having interest in Accounts and even took it during my ITE days.

The Study Group!

Meilinda always give me the impression of being very strong and very responsible. She always wants her friends to be really happy around her but deep down, she is very weak and needs a lot of love and attention from the people she adore. Though I am always seen bickering and hitting her when we were out together, she is still very much loved by me. If only she is not someone whom I know very well, I would consider giving it a try into pulling her into a relationship! She is a super ideal girlfriend, and until now, I still could not figure out why people in his right mind would want to break her heart so much, sometimes I just felt that every tears that she shed have got something to do with me and I am always feeling very guilty.

These amazing ladies actually did lots of things with me like surprising me during my birthday; shopping and hunting of food; chalet; gossiping about others; sharing of problems; Karaoke sessions; and the most recent one, TRAVELLING!

Before this trip to Genting, I actually did a survey on asking a group of girls if they would mind spending a few nights with a male friends overseas in the same hotel room and most of them actually gave ‘no’ as the answer. That is why I am greatly touched by their gesture of asking me to the trip and even allowing me into the same room as them. Due to the fact that they know me more than I know myself, they should know what kind of guy I am and still trusted me which I felt very touched and loved because they see me as their very good and close friend thus do not mind.

After the trip, our bond got stronger and that these words that I’ve just written do not do justice on how important they are to me in my life, but deep down inside, I love them more than life.

I love you Meilinda and Buddy! Always!

One Last Message for my darlings:

I only carry bags for you girls

I love you girls more than life.

A People Place

If this is not a place where tears are understood,
Where do I go to cry?

If this is not a place where my spirits can take wing,
Where do I go to fly?

If this is not a place where my questions can be asked,
Where do I go to seek?

If this is not a place where my feelings can be heard,
Where do I go to speak?

If this is not a place where you’ll accept me as I am,
Where can I go to be?

If this is not a place where I can try to learn and grow,
Where can I be just me?

-William J Crockett-

I am filled with anger, sadness and disappointment. Above are the poem that could actually express the situation, feelings and questions I have now.

Do not wish to type more. Hope to blog again real soon.

New Environment

A blink of an eye, my first semester in Republic Polytechnic has passed. This school definitely let me see myself alot more clearly. During this first semester, lots of things happened. From me having lots of friends surrounding me to being an outcast. Joined Dragon boat as my Interest Group and being an outcast too, I guess. Am really sad for being an outcast because all the while in my years of education, I was always the centre of attention. Everyone will notice me, although in a bad way, I still have a bunch of good friends surrounding me and going out with me. However, in this Polytechnic, everything went vice versa.

In this tiny classroom of not more than 30 students, we are expected to work in groups of 4-5 in order to produce a quality powerpoint presentation to the problem given during the first meeting. I always act as a leader during group work in the past, hence when someone were to take this leadership role during this group discussion in Republic Polytechnic, I feel unease. I did not know how to follow people's instruction. I love doing it my own way. But in this school, I have to comprimise and everyone has a chance, hence I learn to work as a group, being a follower. I remembered going out of control and becoming back to my usual self after one week of school, I bash up a kid 2 years my junior. He was my classmate. My temper got arouse after he made negative multiple comments about my presentation and the overall presentation. This was when everything starts to change. From the usual group eating together at the food court, I was caught packeting my lunch and going back to the errie classroom eating alone. From the usual fun I had with the classmates, I was caught playing games in the internet. However, I still stay competitive by giving my best during class and group discussion because I was hungry for a daily grade of at least a 'B'. It was only during the final days - close to end of first semester that I apologize to those I had hurt, mentally. I got to realise that I always speak bluntly, without thinking. When the things I said was meant for a joke, others may think otherwise. It was also then I realise that I am not a good leader for the groups I lead, because I am more autocractic than democratic. I need people to listen to me, I need people to follow what I do so that I could secure a good grade, and neglected the whole team performances. I regretted acting in such childish-ly manner when most of my classmates could act maturely even though they are younger than me. I regretted. Just a few days ago, I got back a very disappointing result of GPA 3.2 that I finally woke up from all these nonsense and hope to start anew in my second and subsequent semester in Republic Polytechnic. I hope for the best, not just to me but everyone else.

W45F'09

I never consider myself as a sporty person, but I joined Dragon Boat. This thought of joining never cross my mind but I joined nevertheless because my secondary school friend encourage. I am still in the team, but likewise in the classroom, I am not happy. Perhaps is the way I act that makes people not wanting to come near or even speak to me. Being in this team actually makes me feel really inferior. Everyone is so physically fit. Those who are not had gave up and leave the team, and I am still the only one left in this team who are the odd one out. I do not have great paddling skills nor do I have toned muscles. When they are loud, I became soft, when they are louder and even more confident, I became softer and felt more inferior. Because of this infeiority that I started using what I do most, talk, to hurt their feelings. Actually the more I hurt them with my words, the more my weaknesses are potrayed out. I never felt that I am needed in the team. Perhaps because of the consistency of my attendence is not there. When there are choices to be made prior to Dragon Boat, I neglect Dragon Boat. I never prioritise it and this makes me think if I have make the wrong decision. I have a burning passion for this sports and I hope that I could excel in it. But there are no team bonding between myself and the team. There are only a few friends that are constantly talking to me and the secondary school friend of mine is excluded. I thought I might have a chance to blend in together with them since I have a friend inside, but I was wrong. I never felt so inferior, I never felt so left out and I never felt so lousy before. However, I will not give up and will continue to stay and fight on, hopefully one day I could blend in well with them and actually call them 'us'.

During this semester holiday, the above problems actually became clearer, to the point that I would question myself if I have any friends. I have no one calling me out, I have no one helping me to celebrate my birthday like before and I have no one being there for me when I need them most. At this point of time, I have no friends at all. However, just when I was about to break down feeling even more inferior and outcasted, my ITE friends called for me to join them for a gathering at Sentosa. Frankly speaking, I thought I was dreaming because I never expected them to remember me. I was elated. When I meet up with them to go Sentosa together, I felt like I am one of them. They did not give me the feeling of being outcasted neither do they give me the feeling of being unloved. They chatted with me asking me about my life in Republic Polytechnic, they make fun of me like they use to when we are in ITE, they are the bunch whom I could consider friends. They still call me 'Ah Dick', nothing changes. Their gesture and the fun we had together really makes me want to forget everything and spend quality time with them. Actually, it really gives me this feeling of regret, regret for coming to Polytechnic and not stay there and study with them. They are indeed my friends, I love them.

Friends Forever

After all these that I had wrote, the negative side of me. I gotta say goodbye to my negative side and be positive like what I am before. I would never break down and will definitely watch what I say, And hopefully one day, I could really come to this blog again to pen down how much I love about Republic Polytechnic.